If Ignatius Reilly (from A Confederacy of Dunces) and Ron Swanson (from Parks and Recreation) got together and co-wrote a self-help parody full of absurd humor about relationships and sex, the result would be something like this hilarious book by Ronnie Champ.
In How to Win Girlfriends and Dominate People, self-help guru Ronnie Champ shares stories from his own life to show you:
* How to use the Seven Habits of Highly Dominant People in the bathroom, so that you will always have your sh*t together;
* How to leverage the Law of Attraction to turn the entire Universe into your personal genie and sex slave, so that you can get all the lucky breaks and all the freaky hoes;
* How to walk into any brothel in the world and get a girlfriend with only $117 in counterfeit money;
* And much, much more!
If you’re looking for a good time, don’t call the number on the bathroom wall! Read this hilarious self-help parody by Ronnie Champ. This funny book may not change your relationships, but it will entertain you and make you laugh.
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Are you a total LOSER? Are you tired of watching studs like me make out with YO MAMA? Are you ready to be transformed into a DOMINATING man, like me, with a bank account full of riches and a stable full of bitches? Then you need to check out my latest book, How to Win Girlfriends and Dominate People: Use the Secret of Positive Thinking to Think and Grow Rich (Self-Help Satire).
I am Ronnie Champ: the world-famous self-help guru, motivational speaker, entrepreneur, consultant, professional awesomeness expert, author, and a host of other lofty titles that require no formal training or official licensure.
I have also been an award-winning journalist — I awarded myself the 2018 Ronnie Champ Award for Journalistic Excellence for my role in uncovering a vast liberal conspiracy to make America NOT great. At great risk to my own life, I infiltrated several left-wing Facebook groups by disguising myself as Hillary Clinton. Because I love America, I decided to publish my findings — un-fact-checked and unedited — in my book The Top-Secret Democratic Playbook.
Prior to that, I taught courses in Advanced Voodoo Economics and Good-Ol-Boy Business Management at Trump Community College in my native Puddville, Alabama. Based on my scholarly research, I published the book Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol Boys (Satire).
I currently live in a quadruple-wide trailer in Puddville, Alabama with my goats and with whatever female companion I happen to be with. As the women like to say, in every trailer park this side of the Mississippi: Ronnie Champ is the MAN! If you want to become a great man like me, or if you are a female who wants to get with a great man like me, then read some of my books, fool!