Chapter 1 – Nate Carver Pantyshield!
I lost my job, because the restaurant owner caught me having sex, with a plate. Yes; he really caught me having rough sex, with a dirty plate named Rebecca; ummm wait, wait hold on; that’s a bad introduction.
Ok, here’s a more appropriate one;
You stupid fuck. All I fucking want for Christmas is a dog that can smile and laugh. The last time you said a fucking reindeer had to undergo an eye operation….
Ok, here’s an even more appropriate one;
Why in the fuck did mom move, to my fucking tree house?! And why is it that since then, the veins in dad’s fucking right hand, have been so fucking engorged?! Why is it, that he curses the day he didn’t see the importance of learning how to climb trees?!
Diary; why is it, that there is a grandma in our community, who tongue kisses her grand kids and their friends, who are no more than six years old?! Why is it, that every time a man meets a woman he likes, he must crash or stumble into something seconds after talking to her, as he walks away?! And finally diary, why the fuck is it, that when I write you, you never fucking-write BACK!!!!!???
You know what; fuck it diary and fuck you! I’ll just explain my life. So here I go. This is my book!
Home was always a diaper with shit in it; at least-that’s where I felt most comfortable, because of my constant bowel movements, so I call it home. I could always make myself at home, in one of those things.
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