Humor

Extracts from Noah’s Diary

About Extracts from Noah’s Diary

A century ago, a little known writer named Mark Twain wrote a silly novella called Extracts from Adam’s Diary. It imagined the recorded daily life of the first man. Two years later, Mr. Twain’s wife passed away, and he wrote a melancholy follow-up with Eve as the imagined diarist. Together, these stories were published as The Diaries of Adam & Eve.

A century later, a well known writer named Martin Bodek enjoyed the books, discovered that Twain left the concept for another to pick up where he left off, and decided to give it a try.

Yes, he’s that arrogant, he’s written a sequel for Mark Twain.

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Wouldn’t You Rather Be Laughing? by MuddyUm Editors

About Wouldn’t You Rather Be Laughing? by MuddyUm Editors

Good news, beloved reader! We bring you the japes, gobshite, and guttersnipe you crave. The editors of MuddyUm, a singularly hilarious publication, have collected stories so funny that the cares and woes of the world will flee your mind. Prepare your soul to be overtaken by the giddy daemon of comedy and you will be wondering only one thing:

“If I keep laughing like this, will I puke?”

We are well aware that the world has become a smoldering cesspit of:

– dysfunction,
– despair, and … well …
– cess. (We have to put it somewhere.)

The fifteen stories herein are designed to combat that very thing! Sure, you could worry about the war in Ukraine or the next plague, but why not learn fun facts about dolphin clitorises, the connection between eating frogs and productivity, Grandfather Iron Jaw’s sex tips, and someone’s — let’s call him “Zacchariah” even though his name is actually “Paul” – pelvic floor?

And if you don’t believe us, maybe you will believe our famous dead columnist Granny Mary!

“So, let me state the obvious. This anthology is good. Very good. I haven’t read an anthology with a collection of talent like this in hours. The abundance of comedy in these pages will leave your pants wet. It’s a shplotz. A shplotz of comedy.

Think of it this way. The entire goddamn world is going to shit, and you are reading a blurb written by a dead woman who was recently made famous for—get this—blowing her nose into dirty underwear. Wouldn’t you rather be laughing?”

Here’s what you get!

– Why We Live in a World Dominated by Men
– Ladies, Get Yours Today
– New Study Shows Negative Correlation Between Eating Frogs and Productivity
– How to Blow Your Nose into Dirty Underwear
– I Explain to a GenZer That There Were Once Only Three TV Networks
– Sex Education Tip — Keep Your Knees Together and Wear Clean Underwear
– My Unfavorite Things
– All Things Must Collapse
– Marine Scientists Discover That the Dolphin Clitoris Provides Pleasure
– Please Accept My Friend Request So I Can Make You Regret It
– I Left My Face Print On The Movie Theater And It Remained There For Five Years
– I’m Teaching My 12-Year-Old Son About Women
– Science Abandons Red Counties
– On Learning to Speak American
– My Neighbor Saw My Bare Butt

Ready to keep your knees together and wear clean underwear? Don’t wait any longer!

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Game of Fangs

About Game of Fangs

Game of Fangs is a new stand-alone novel in the Fat Vampire universe, from Johnny B. Truant, best-selling author of Invasion, Fat Vampire, and The Inevitable.

When Nora, Orlo, Robert, Amelie, Jaden, Rohit, and Brody form a seven-person team of live-action-role-players to enter a massive three-day Vampire LARP tournament, they have no idea two real vampires will be in the mix, on a mission of their own.

As the gamers play, gathering points and moving upwards through the floors of the convention center, the vampires turn contestants, searching for a lost descendant, and the game gets gruesome and increasingly deadly.

Will amateur vampire hunters be able to sort out the bloody truth from the role-playing fiction and save the still-living from the more-than-dead?

Perfect for fans of Rick Gualtieri’s Tome of Bill or Drew Hayes’ Fred the Vampire Accountant, Game of Fangs tells the story of what happens when a group of vampire-hunting gamers encounters real vampires. Get your copy today!

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Oops-A-Navy by Gregg Bell

About Oops-A-Navy by Gregg Bell

She thought he was neurotic. He thought she was psychotic. The Navy thought they were the perfect pair.

Shelby Ryder is a loose cannon. A Kansas farm girl, she became a Navy SEAL to avenge her parents, who were killed on vacation when a Russian sub torpedoed their catamaran. Earl Bernstein, from Chicago, became a SEAL to get away from his over-protective parents. Earl’s the sensitive type. He writes poetry and worries about his teeth enamel eroding.

The Navy thought by pairing them together they would balance each other out. They were wrong.

After brushes with the law and staying just this side of sanity, Shelby and Earl are on the verge of being de-SEALed. Now they’ve been given one last chance to redeem themselves.

It’s a simple enough mission: they’re tasked with finding a United States senator who disappeared in Cuba while playing golf. But then one day the president tweets that the Russians are responsible, and things get perilous in a hurry. Soon it becomes clear—if Shelby and Earl don’t get the senator back, the situation will escalate into a nuclear war. So into the steamy Cuban jungles filled with snakes, spies and a German tuba band, the pair ventures, breaking every rule of civilized behavior known to man as they desperately try to find the senator before the missiles fly or Earl runs out of anti-cavity rinse.

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Remortalised: A Supernatural Thriller

About Remortalised: A Supernatural Thriller

When Hector James, an aspiring journalist, leads a group of friends to an isolated ex-military island in Vietnam, their ‘fun’ trip soon takes a grim turn.

As the mysteries of the forsaken outpost grow ever darker and more twisted, like the jungle around them, only one question remains. Will anyone make it off the island alive? Finding out will be a war…

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And Then There’s Margaret

About And Then There’s Margaret

For fans of Maria Semple’s Where’d You Go Bernadette or Camille Pagan’s I’m Fine and Neither Are You, comes the perfect laugh-out-loud ‘dramedy’ AND THEN THERE’S MARGARET about marriage, midlife and a controlling, manipulative and self-absorbed mother-in-law thrown into the mix. AND THEN THERE’S MARGARET takes readers on a relatable and hilarious ride, as Allie realizes the only way to survive the angst of family is to let go….and let be.

When Allison Montgomery’s beloved father-in-law and long-time confidant passes away, her mother-in-law, Margaret, ‘temporarily’ moves in. From rearranging the furniture and taking over the kitchen, to undermining and embarrassing Allie at every turn, including funding her daughter’s escape, throwing a hissy fit at the mall, and publicly equating Allie’s glass of Chardonnay to full blown alcoholism, Margaret turns Allie’s life upside down causing her to bounce between a sincere desire to support her grieving mother-in-law and an intense urge to simply push her out of the nearest window.

Feeling annoyed, trapped and even a little childish, Allie struggles to avoid a complete meltdown with help from her fearless and audacious best friend, a plan for reinventing herself and enjoying a second act, and, yes, a few glasses of Chardonnay. Along the way, Allie discovers the reasons behind Margaret’s attitude toward her all these years. Does it help? Maybe…

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Reality Barks: A Rescue Dog’s Funny Story by Kit James

Reality Barks: A Rescue Dog’s Funny Story by Kit James

A rescue dog faces the reality of his unusual new life. Rescued before he was due to be euthanized and now a celebrity animal star, Elliott gives you a dog’s version of life, death and stardom. When two glossy Sydney metro couples rescue an ordinary Aussie mutt from the Dog Pound, he wonders why… especially when they change his name to Elliott! But he soon realizes that Jamie, the alpha-male of one of the couples, has plans for him… big plans! It’s a humorous Australian rescue dog’s tell-all tale about how he becomes a celebrity and wins their love.

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Candles Over the Septic Tank

About Candles Over the Septic Tank

Grandma Edith’s hobbies are playing poker, eight-ball pool, and driving telephone scammers to hang up on her. Her granddaughter-in-law, Marcie, has a husband who won’t go away; he thinks the “ex” stands for kisses. When the two women set out to find Grandma Edith’s missing money, their unorthodox methods often produce unexpected and laugh-out-loud funny results.

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gog and magog

About gog and magog

Genre-fiction, Comedy, political Satire, Bizarre leaders, Fake Media, Unscrupulous Politicians ,Hollywood Superstars.
https://youtu.be/SIZmx0t1JhQ SHORT ANIMATION LINK

Gog and Magog
Bizarre politicians are dragging the world into a hallucinatory war!
In the nearest future, on the land of the hot wide desert and in the two capital cities of the two lunatic presidents. The two superpowers’ leaders with inflated egos and madness of aggrandizement, and the madness of controlling the world are dragging the world into a delusional, crazy, and uncontrollable doom war.
Two conflicted presidents, each driven by delusion and greed, dream of ruling the globe. To meet their goals, they resort to fraud, bribery, and corruption. Alexander Monroe – the president of the Democratic Organization, and Suleiman Assad – the president of the Free Islamic Forces, find themselves dragged into an inevitable war. Barney Chaplin the entertainer, the nerdy minister of education who opposes the idiotic war. He became Monroe’s deputy and was sent to the front lines in the Fata Morgana desert to entertain his troops, while clearly risking his own life. The performance of President Monroe and the members of his government is examined by the government psychiatrist Professor Cheers, and everyone understands that it is better that someone supervises her as well… During the illusory war, well-known Hollywood actors who have passed their time are forced to function as deadly commandos and go beyond enemy lines. Meanwhile, Barney is captured and looks to be executed until Monroe produces a plan to save him. Other countries and international organizations are restricted from intervening in this dire situation. Both leaders were charged with war crimes. To escape the consequences of their actions, they wield the Doomsday Device to hold the world hostage with incredible results.

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gog and magog by itzak begerano

About gog and magog by itzak begerano

Gog and Magog
Genre-fiction, Comedy, political Satire, Bizarre leaders, Fake Media, Unscrupulous Politicians ,Hollywood Superstars.
https://youtu.be/SIZmx0t1JhQ SHORT ANIMATION LINK

Gog and Magog
Bizarre politicians are dragging the world into a hallucinatory war!
In the nearest future, on the land of the hot wide desert and in the two capital cities of the two lunatic presidents. The two superpowers’ leaders with inflated egos and madness of aggrandizement, and the madness of controlling the world are dragging the world into a delusional, crazy, and uncontrollable doom war.
Two conflicted presidents, each driven by delusion and greed, dream of ruling the globe. To meet their goals, they resort to fraud, bribery, and corruption. Alexander Monroe – the president of the Democratic Organization, and Suleiman Assad – the president of the Free Islamic Forces, find themselves dragged into an inevitable war. Barney Chaplin the entertainer, the nerdy minister of education who opposes the idiotic war. He became Monroe’s deputy and was sent to the front lines in the Peta Morgana desert to entertain his troops, while clearly risking his own life. The performance of President Monroe and the members of his government is examined by the government psychiatrist Professor Cheers, and everyone understands that it is better that someone supervises her as well… During the illusory war, well-known Hollywood actors who have passed their time are forced to function as deadly commandos and go beyond enemy lines. Meanwhile, Barney is captured and looks to be executed until Monroe produces a plan to save him. Other countries and international organizations are restricted from intervening in this dire situation. Both leaders were charged with war crimes. To escape the consequences of their actions, they wield the Doomsday Device to hold the world hostage with incredible results.

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THE FUNNIEST QUOTES BOOK

About THE FUNNIEST QUOTES BOOK

1100 funny quotes. The Best Funny Quotes Collection, Arranged by 22 themes! A perfect gift for everyone!

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Give up to Gain: A revolutionary, new, old way to find all the time to do everything you ever wanted.

About Give up to Gain: A revolutionary, new, old way to find all the time to do everything you ever wanted.

We all want something more in life but there’s always something in the way. Follow Fortysomething dad as he finds out how to change his life and find all the time to do everything he ever wanted to do. Life is full. We can’t add anything new unless we give something up. I didn’t say that but learned it the hard way. On another crazy adventure of discovery, the adventurer in all of us could use to find a way to find the time.

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Revolution by David Dorrough

About Revolution by David Dorrough

We all know it’s not easy being a 21st century middle-aged, well-educated American with a decent job, no major health issues, no legal or financial problems, and plenty of family and friends. But most of us are pretty short on details. What exactly are the day-to-day challenges, not to mention the innermost mental and emotional processes, of folks struggling through this existence?
REVOLUTION attempts to illuminate these mysteries, and many more as well, by delving deeply into the lives of several such people. Join them as they laugh, cry, love, and hate. Share in their sweet triumphs and their devastating failures. Ride along with them as they courageously press onward, learning and growing, facing immense obstacles, rising up, finding a way, charting a course, chasing their dreams… all against the magnificent, paradise-like backdrop of Los Angeles, California.

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Dead Funny: Four Women, Four Dead Bodies…Well Ok, Five by Jinx James

Dead Funny: Four Women, Four Dead Bodies…Well Ok, Five by Jinx James

A fast-fading celebrity is prepared to do anything, yes anything, to capture the headlines again. Unfortunately, Annabel had picked a very bad day to kill her husband. Four equally ballsy women cross a moral line to get what they want, with unexpected consequences. Throbbing with dark humor, Dead Funny confirms that the world is as crazy and off-kilter as you always suspected.

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The Name Game

About The Name Game

This could be a Black Mirror episode. Following The Craigslist Model and Sub To Ego books, Slade West reminisces about the woman he had an on and off relationship with between girlfriends. He hadn’t seen her for a number of years. This woman didn’t own a cell phone and she didn’t use social media. She also never told Slade her real name. Based on true events. Cover by Ginny Leano.

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Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses, Hilarious Secrets to Heal a Broken Heart & Get Your Life Back! by Debbie Seagle

About Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses, Hilarious Secrets to Heal a Broken Heart & Get Your Life Back! by Debbie Seagle

Are You Struggling to Get Over Loneliness, Loss, or Divorce?
Discover the word that will change your life.
Uncover outrageously unusual secrets for getting on with your life after a big disappointment, loss, breakup, divorce, or being dumped. No matter what you’ve been through, every reader (you) will achieve a heightened sense of happiness and a deeper level of confidence.

Inspirational, hilarious activities will awaken your genius and motivate you to revitalize your life in ways you never thought of.

You’ll not only learn how to pamper yourself (you’ll love this chapter); you will find remarkable ideas to enhance your notoriety before you croak. PLUS, a sure-fire plan for getting your life back.

This Book is Full of
Encouragement
Enlightenment
Life Hacks
Recipes
Healing
Travel Blunder Coping Techniques
Fun facts about potatoes, dogs, & various other varmints
Gut-busting inspiration to create happiness all around you

This collection of irreverent tales and ingenious schemes is woven into a series of hilarious triumphs filled with love, grief, and mischief. You can laugh, you may cry, but you will ultimately be entertained and redirected in remarkable ways.

It’s a Journal
It’s a Vision Board
It’s entertaining, comical, & inspiring

Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses is the perfect gift for yourself, your friends, or anyone who needs a lighthearted boost, proof that they are brave and lovable, and a new outlook on life.

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Mindfulness for Everyone : How to Stop Being F^cking Rude to People! by Pieter Wesley Whittington

Mindfulness for Everyone : How to Stop Being F^cking Rude to People! by Pieter Wesley Whittington

Are you rude to others? Did someone ever tell you they didn’t like the way you spoke to them? Do you know someone who is rude?

If so, this book is for you or them.

This book is for the boss, the co-workers, and the parents. The book Mindfulness for Everyone shows you how to act in public and conduct yourself in a restaurant. All of course, without the cursing.

Also included in Mindfulness for Everyone is how to properly send an effective email to a co-worker without sounding insincere, rude, or terse. Sometimes parents have to be reminded of mindfulness when dealing with their children.

Mindfulness reduces stress and promotes well-being. By reading Mindfulness for Everyone for just 5 minutes a day, the reader will have a sense of purpose in life and will better understand how to treat others. With continued use of these mindfulness techniques, the reader will soon develop a sense of positive energy radiating outward. Spreading kindness and gratitude creates positive energy.

Take a journey toward peace and kindness and a shared life that is more balanced.

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Gog and Magog

About Gog and Magog

An insane battle of wills between two equally unscrupulous politicians thrusts their militaries (and ultimately the world) into the ultimate crisis.
Two feuding presidents, each motivated through delusion and greed, dream of ruling the globe. To meet their goals, they resort to increasingly unsavory acts of deceit, bribery, and corruption. Alexander Monro (President of the Democratic Organization) and Suleiman Aswad (President of the Free Islamic Forces) find themselves locked in an insane battle of wills. Vice president Barney Chaplin doesn’t believe in this war. Nevertheless, he was sent to the front lines in the Fanta Morgana desert to entertain the troops, risking his own life in the process.
The battle proves to be a trying affair as it forces many “has-been” Hollywood actors to act as deadly commando soldiers and go beyond enemy lines. Meanwhile, Barney is captured and looked to become executed until Monro puts a plan in place to rescue him. Other countries and international organizations are restricted from intervening in this dire situation—eventually, both leaders were accused of war crimes. To escape the consequences of their actions, they wield a doomsday device to hold the world at ransom to staggering consequences

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Jerry for President 2024

About Jerry for President 2024

NOW FREE: “JERRY FOR PRESIDENT 2024,” a multimedia comedy screenplay retells the exciting, hilarious adventures of JERRY the chicken, who after several painful misadventures, decides to run for the Presidency of the United States with the help of his human friends. “Wow, if I’m being totally honest, this is one of the funniest scripts I have ever read. This is really a fantastic work and I thoroughly enjoyed the read.” – Carli Haney, Stage 32. Jerry will rescue America when he proclaims, “Drill baby, drill!!” (This comedy contains adult language.)

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SCAM A-LAMA HARDBALL by Jinx James

SCAM A-LAMA HARDBALL by Jinx James

A wickedly dark comedy of trickery, dodgy contracts, celebrity, lies and love – and a twisted plot to con the rock star.
Lured by an irresistible offer of a new album, rock star Marc Charles can’t believe his luck … until the deal turns sour. There’s something underhand going on with the mysterious overseas organization behind the album offer. But contracts are meant to be trashed, aren’t they? Except this offer will get Marc out of his finanial troubles. Torn by the dilemma of recording the shitty song that’s part of the deal and his desperate need to reboot his career, Marc signs the contract. He senses he’s the target of a stand-over tactic, but what can he do? Hell! – rewite the song and make it awesome. Trouble is he hasn’t written a hit for over a decade. Now there is so much to play for and too much to lose.

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