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Merry Friggin’ Christmas: An Edgy Christmas Comedy

About Merry Friggin’ Christmas: An Edgy Christmas Comedy:

2019 Illumination Book Awards Bronze Medal Winner!

The perfect gift for that Bah-humbug! in your life!
Merry Friggin’ Christmas
An Edgy Christmas Comedy

“A funny book about Christmas and a dead comedy man…”

“…takes the cake as the best of the holiday season. It has charisma, a fantastic voice, and it was funny as all hell.”

“A fresh and funny take on the holidays…”

Based on The Life of Carlton St. Michael, the NUMBER ONE TOP RATED show on the URN!

So, who is Carlton St. Michael?

Carlton St. Michael is an up-and-coming atheist stand-up comic on the verge of fame and fortune. The only problem is, he’s dead. Actually, twice dead. Caught dead in Jersey. Twice.

And, his life story has become the number one top-rated show on the Undying Rerun Network (URN).

A Christmas Comedy, of all things.

But Carlton isn’t buying any of it. He’s out to prove it’s all some near-death hallucination that will fade to black when he really dies, or vanish when he awakes.

So, are you dying to see how this story turns out? Well, that’s the only way to see it on the URN. You have to die first. But Carlton has written it all down for you, so you can enjoy it without venturing beyond the veil.

Even if you are dying to enjoy Carlton’s story, you need not go that far. You can get the EBook, NOW!

Warning: Merry Friggin’ Christmas is a Christmas Comedy for Adults and is too edgy for children under age 13.

Check out some reviews from some imaginary people:

“This book surprised me. I kept thinking I knew where it was going, and it ended up somewhere else. I wish I did not have to be dead to see it on the URN.”
Misty Fication

“I bought this book because there are elves on the cover. I love elves. The book was so good that I didn’t even realize there were no elves in the story until the end, and it didn’t matter to me at all.”
Sylvaniel the Elven Princess

“I can’t tell you why I loved this book without spoiling the ending. So, let’s just say that I loved it, because of the ending.”
John Q. Endingliker

Comes also in a Naughty Edition (includes more colorful language that most nice people prefer not to read, but if you’re on the naughty list, you may like it.)

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We Have Lost The Coffee

About We Have Lost The Coffee:

This steaming-hot, comedy mystery set in 2040s London is brimming with great British humor, smart satire, crazy characters & wry observations on life, the universe and espressos. Starring downtrodden presidential spokesman Howie Pond and his journalist girlfriend Britt, it’s guaranteed to keep you awake past bedtime. Grab it to go now!

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A Grave Misunderstanding

About A Grave Misunderstanding:

Winner of a 2018 PenCraft Award for Literary Excellence and a Finalist in the 2018 American Fiction Awards.

Murder has come once more to the seaside town of Crab Cove, testing the mettle of “almost handsome” Detective Simon Grave and his “nearly invisible” partner, Sergeant Barry Blunt, who investigate a locked-room mystery with a significant twist: the prime suspects are in the locked room, not the victim, a logic-defying situation that challenges the team at every turn.

As if murder weren’t enough, they must also investigate the simultaneous disappearance of The MacGuffin Trophy from that same locked room, the studio of artist Whitney Waters, famous for her stylized paintings of red herrings.

Who is/are the killer(s)? How did he/she/they get out of the locked room with the trophy, kill the victim, and return unnoticed by others in the room? These and other questions, including the limits of logic and the meaning of life, are posed and perhaps even answered in this quirky, near-future mystery.

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In Your Dreams

About In Your Dreams:

A guy, a girl, and a pair of handcuffs. What could possibly go wrong?

In this college humor, coming-of-age tale, everything.

Seniors, Collin and Jess, wake up handcuffed the morning after a wild party. Collin is bound for work, Jess bound for a Shakespeare final. If Collin doesn’t show, he’ll lose a chance at a big promotion. If Jess doesn’t show, she’ll lose her chance to be a school teacher. Then there’s the fact she rejected him freshman year. They haven’t spoken a word since. Not awkward at all.

Told in alternating first person with hints of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, In Your Dreams finds boy and girl struggling to adult on the last day of finals week and trying to survive each other.

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The Unlikely Adventures of Joe and Nick

About The Unlikely Adventures of Joe and Nick:

A tale of two friends as they grow up in separate parts of the country, but are destined to meet and become friends. This is a tale worthy of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. We follow their hilarious, wacky, zany, misadventures from early years through adulthood. Learn the proper application of electricity. Learn about snow skiing. Motivational techniques for soccer players. How to open a frozen padlock in temperatures below zero. And most of all learn about friends. A must read for all ages for this year and every year.

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Genesis (The New Old Testament, Season 1) by Jay Willem

Genesis (The New Old Testament, Season 1) by Jay Willem

South Park meets the Bible

The New Old Testament is a fictionalised re-imagining of the Bible as told to you by the drunk guy at the party. A drunk guy who seriously knows his scripture.

It’s part adaptation, part commentary, and 100% not for people who take the Bible too seriously. It shares just as much DNA with animated shows like South Park, Rick and Morty, and Archer as it does with the Old Testament.

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Cartoon Headcase: The Science of Humour

About Cartoon Headcase: The Science of Humour:

This book contains the very best in cartoon comedy, with subjects ranging from everyday life to the downright bizarre. This rib-tickling humour could cost you a few!

This book appears hard on the heels of the success of John’s first two books, ‘Cartoon Headcase: Cartoons to make you happy’ and ‘Cartoon Headcase: Making the whole world laugh’. John’s mission statement is ‘a smile on every face and a book in every bathroom’.

You’ll find this humour is unique and quirky, and guaranteed to make you chuckle. So open the book, lean your head back and laugh- you’re in for the ride of your life!

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Romances of a SAIF

About Romances of a SAIF:

A SAIF (pronounced /saf/) can be summed up in four words: Single, Attractive, Intelligent Female. Or if you are in a relationship, we can change Single to Strong. If you don’t find yourself attractive, well guuuurrrllll do I have a few lessons for you about confidence! Every woman is a SAIF! The goal of The SAIF Movement is to encourage women to be their best, their true authentic radiant selves. To stop playing victims of their circumstances and live in a life where they see failures as lessons and hold their triumphs near to their hearts. To be unapologetically awesome, to soar to new heights, to love and support one another, and be independent free thinkers. To be able to speak our minds. To get out of fear and into success.

In Romance’s of a SAIF: Beginner’s Guide will introduce what is a SAIF, how to SAIF, how to feign confidence, how to gain self-respect, how to build your self-worth, be independent, forgive yourself and so much more. It will chronicle what type of men to steer clear of on dating apps and where else to meet them organically. A fun quick read all women will be quoting.

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Not Going Gently by Alex Henderson

About Not Going Gently by Alex Henderson:

Things aren’t going so well for elderly widower Mitch.
His daughter thinks he’s rushed himself into a residential dementia centre before he becomes a burden upon her. In truth he’s more worried that if he doesn’t lock himself away then the secrets of his past will get out.
The care home could be a whole lot nicer, but it’s all he can afford and, anyway, Mitch is determined. He’s sold his house and signed his freedom away. Let them take care of him for the muddled remainder of his days.
Except that he’s not really in need of a place like this yet. And far worse – his former best friend and old band mate Ray is already here.
The last person he’d ever want to be trapped with.
Especially since the secrets are about him.
With a cast of vivid characters who will shock and delight in equal measure, Alex Henderson’s latest is a poignant and darkly hilarious tale of friendship, regret and the need to squeeze the juice out of every day we’re given.

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Single and Looking: Daisy

About Single and Looking: Daisy:

A laugh-out-loud, feel-good book. A crazy-funny tale about a 39-year-old screw-up, her search for love, and her wise-cracking cat. Daisy is turning 40 and her sisters pray over her unmarried status. After the Old-Maid exorcism, her cat begins talking, smoking and the cat is drinking more alcoholic beverages even though booze makes his whiskers wrinkle. Mm, there must be a connection to all this flowing alcohol, which may explain the bubbly in Daisy’s brain. Even her 6 blind dates, men referred by her meddling sisters, are named after liquor. Her cat’s dating advice at times even makes sense. A quirky “looking for love in all the wrong places” with her meddling sisters setting her up on wacky blind dates. Will Daisy ever find her Mr. Right?

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So Absurd It Must Be True: funny tales for dirty minds by Victoria Ray

About So Absurd It Must Be True: funny tales for dirty minds by Victoria Ray:

Odd, bizarre and addictive!

As you turn the pages of Victoria Ray’s debut book, you’ll realize, once again, that the mix of humor, erotica and sci-fi is always the best medicine and that absurd things happen all the time, such as:- a father of nine, who, on Valentine’s Day, is forced to have sex with every woman he meets
– a crazy producer with 50 phobias, one of which is his last name
– an author of an unfinished book, spending his days in fear of Mr. Best Seller, pancakes, his wife’s breasts and running
– a trip to a place called Escape, where a divorced woman, Mrs. BouncyTits, is surrounded only by hot men – until her last breath
– and much more…

The heaven of all absurd and bizarre is awaiting you on the pages of this book! When we see something strange, we immediately start thinking! Anything weird or odd activates our brains! These 42 strange stories are mind opening and will not only make you smile, but will also make you think.

Are you ready to engulf yourself in some odd, silly and dirty tales that will make you smile? Remember, these are adult stories, so share only with your 18+ friends!

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Mel and Shar’s Erotic Adventures: Tales from the Boomer Life by Maddy Bordeaux

About Mel and Shar’s Erotic Adventures: Tales from the Boomer Life by Maddy Bordeaux:

Are baby boomers panting for Elderly Erotica?

Mel and Shar, two friends of a certain age, say, “Absolutely!”

So, despite the fact that neither lady has ever watched a porn video or read anything steamier than Eighties romances, they decide Elderly Erotica is their ticket to fame and fortune.
Because…why not?

Surely, at least a few of their fellow boomers—who were once into sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll—remain interested in something spicier than the Senior’s Menu at Black-eyed Pea.

Can Mel and Shar start a successful porn business by filming certain sexual acts—later TBD–with a smartphone?

Can they write successful erotica with only a passing acquaintance of four-letter-words, not to mention marginal computer skills?
Follow the adventures of Mel McCartney and Shar Ledowsky, as they kind of, sort of explore the world of Elderly Erotica.

And, if they become porn clowns who host political porn parties in order to increase voter registration; are picketed by protestors of their C***y, C** and C**ks: Recipes for Desire cookbook; and become intimately acquainted with one Hot Shot police officer along the way, well…

That just proves Mel and Shar are up for anything.

Okay, to clarify:

They’re up for a couple of things…

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The Perfect Culture

About The Perfect Culture:

Thomas Gephardt is a world traveller. Or at least he would like to be one. Determined to leave the confines of his sheltered upbringing in the United States, he voyages to France to expand his horizons. He spends three months with a French family in Bordeaux, working in a local hotel. Inspired by these experiences, Thomas has plans to continue travelling. However, a romantic interest in Paris—an Israeli woman named Sendi—complicates matters. He leaves but remains in contact with Sendi while he lives abroad in Japan as an English teacher and then in Israel as a volunteer on a kibbutz.

Throughout his explorations, Thomas attempts to probe deeply into his experiences and to ponder big questions: What is the value of foreign travel? What is unique about each of these three cultures? How is each country shaped by its history? On the lighter side, Thomas has a variety of experiences—he is seen as a “quasi-alien” in a French restaurant, he wonders if he can meet expectations as a “talking monkey” in Japan, and he is informed that, unlike in The Big Lebowski, he definitely cannot roll on Shabbos in Israel.

Bill Bryson meets J.D. Salinger, The Perfect Culture is full of satirical observations and thoughtful analysis of travel, people, and customs.

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Girth by Alex Henderson

About Girth by Alex Henderson:

Size matters. Or at least it does to Ed, nit-picking quantity surveyor and captain of his local pub football team who has faked a business trip abroad to get some cheap plastic surgery.
Ed intends to be even more of a man upon his return. But has he managed to keep this as secret as he thinks? Will this really be such a wonderful surprise for Fiona on their wedding night? And just who is this operation for anyway?
Alex Henderson’s outrageous comedy debut shows what it means to be a man with a small problem that just got bigger.
Much bigger!

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itsnickyblue@gmail.com

About itsnickyblue@gmail.com:

(OVER 100 FIVE STAR REVIEWS ACROSS AMAZON AND GOODREADS!)

A fatal mistake catapults Barry into the adventure of a lifetime. With talking hedges, samurai ghosts, meddling psychotherapists, and an inexplicably non-linear time pattern conspiring against him, Barry must do battle to save his hide, unleash the ninja within, and rescue his father from an ancient army, a dark sorcerer and a raging inferno.

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Managed Care

About Managed Care:

Maxy Awards “Book of the Year” 2019

“Witty, occasionally crass, and an unqualified delight.” –KIRKUS REVIEWS

Is it too much to ask that a managed care facility refund a year’s advance payment when your grandfather dies before he can move in? Frank Johnson doesn’t think so, which is why the thirty-three-year-old now lives in a nursing home, locked in a chess match feud with management that doesn’t occupy nearly enough of his time.

When foster kid Elroy is thrust into his life, Frank decides to turn this forced relationship to his advantage – launching a string of absurd decisions, inappropriate behaviors and unexpected glimpses of tenderness that ultimately turn a New Jersey suburb upside down. A laugh-out-loud celebration of bad choices for good causes, Managed Care is an offbeat story about three misfits on the social fringes of suburbia and their ridiculous campaign to introduce an unfiltered version of intimacy to their stale, impersonal community. Because, according to Frank, it’s probably what Jesus would have wanted.

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Love Back

About Love Back:

Senzo Mabizela is a man of many talents. He can fit in with any crowd, hustle his way out of a tight spot, and bring back lost lovers – or at least pretend to do so long enough to trick lovesick customers out of their money. When his childhood nemesis seeks help to win over Ayanda, the girl they’ve both wanted since their school days, Senzo sees a chance to kill two birds with one con. If he plays his cards right, he can get revenge on his former bully, make a small fortune and win the heart of the woman he loves. But the game of love isn’t quite that simple…

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The Moskowitz Code

About The Moskowitz Code:

Just When You Thought it was Safe to be Healthy…
When his doctor mistakenly types the wrong code into his electronic medical record, Myron Moskowitz – Mike, to the entire world except his mother, Celia – finds life, or at least the one he’s grown used to, suddenly turned tush-over-teakettle. With that single dodgy digital diagnosis, a chain reaction is set in motion leading Mike to lose his job, accidentally get all trace of himself wiped off of every computer in the known universe, and seriously contemplate buying a Harley. And Mike isn’t exactly what you’d call a motorcycle kind of Moskowitz.
Somehow Mike must find a way to get back on the grid and get his old job back, all without his wife finding out about any of it.

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