Humor

About Donald J. Trump Will You Please Go Now!:

The time has come. The time is now. He has to go. Go. GO! We don’t care how. He can go by plane to Curacao. Donald J. Trump, has to go now. And so on. Martin Bodek has an abiding interest in politics, likes to write books (obviously), is Dr. Seuss’s biggest fan, and his wife has been after him for years to write a children’s book. Nailed the quadfecta, so hard.

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Not Going Gently by Alex Henderson

About Not Going Gently by Alex Henderson:

Things aren’t going so well for elderly widower Mitch.
His daughter thinks he’s rushed himself into a residential dementia centre before he becomes a burden upon her. In truth he’s more worried that if he doesn’t lock himself away then the secrets of his past will get out.
The care home could be a whole lot nicer, but it’s all he can afford and, anyway, Mitch is determined. He’s sold his house and signed his freedom away. Let them take care of him for the muddled remainder of his days.
Except that he’s not really in need of a place like this yet. And far worse – his former best friend and old band mate Ray is already here.
The last person he’d ever want to be trapped with.
Especially since the secrets are about him.
With a cast of vivid characters who will shock and delight in equal measure, Alex Henderson’s latest is a poignant and darkly hilarious tale of friendship, regret and the need to squeeze the juice out of every day we’re given.

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They Win. You Lose. by Stan Arnold

About They Win. You Lose. by Stan Arnold:

‘They Win. You Lose. Sex, Violence & Songs from the Shows’ by Stan Arnold is the first of seven very funny thrillers – The Implosion Saga – and it’s FREE on amazon.

Synopsis

Mick and Jim are two incompetent corporate video producers who toil aimlessly at the bottom of a barrel no-one wants to scrape. They owe £6000 plus VAT back-rent to their landlord – international crime boss and Ealing comedy-lover, Charlie Sumkins. He wants immediate payment and they have to take increasingly frantic measures to save their lives and reproductive organs.

They are pursued by Charlie’s sadistic, but ultimately useless, heavies, Vlad and Vic. The chase involves frantic attempts to preserve their lives and reproductive organs. They battle inefficiently scheduled sex with Southsea’s most color-blind landlady, violent amateur dramatics and AK-47-weilding milliners, 80-year-old punk grannies and hit men dressed in pink Mexican outfits.

Naturally, they end up in Las Vegas, where, with cactus-punctured groins, they’re pursued by Reservoir Dogs’ lookalikes. Later, they go LSD tripping with the stars of Easy Rider, escape from Thelma and Louise wannabes, blow up a Harley-Davidson and make a commitment before a bourbon-fuelled Elvis impersonator, before the big, life-threatening sort-out in Nevada’s most unspeakably lurid theatrical environment.

Ah! But will their experiences change them in any way?

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Paradise High: A Novel

About Paradise High: A Novel:

An all-American boyhood tale for our corrupted times, Paradise High traces one night in the lives of a rowdy, bawdy, fun-loving bunch of high school seniors as they laugh and romp their way to the palatial marble estate of their mafia-son classmate for a party.

Set in the frozen suburban hinterlands of the upper Midwest during a Christmas break snowstorm in 1997, the story captures with raucous humor and biting wit that timeless ritual of late teenagers raising a glass to the dwindling, precious moments of their youth.

Irreverent, foul-mouthed, and outrageously funny, but with a wry and tender wistfulness at its heart, Paradise High is a rollicking yarn with echoes of the proverbial Last Hurrah of Summer, recounting an unforgettable evening that will leave none of its protagonists the same.

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Questionable Quizzes

About Questionable Quizzes:

This is a book all about you. By spending precious minutes of your life taking these 40 quizzes you will learn:

 Is Your Boss Out to Get You? (And all of your co-workers. And the mail carrier. And maybe your mother.)
 How Likely Are You to Get Sick? (Disclaimer: Licking other people’s shoelaces could put you at increased risk of contracting an illness.)
 Does Your DIY Require Professional Help? (If everything keeps sliding off the shelves you built, the answer is probably yes.)
 Are You Dateable? (Or does everyone you go out with disappear after excusing themselves to visit the restroom?)
 Are You a Superhero? (Hint: Check to see whether you’re wearing two different outfits, one on top of the other.)
 Which English Monarch Are You? (Find out your crown-size.)
 Is Your House Haunted? (Or is your living room furniture rearranging itself?)
 What Is Your Ideal Vacation? (White sand beaches with palm trees and crystal clear waters infested by sharks aren’t for everyone.)
 Are Your Children Plotting to Kill You? (Or will it just be a happy accident?)
 What Colour Is Your Personality? (Hint: The answer may shock you.)

You should come away having answered these questions and learned something about yourself, and your place in the world. And then you can go back to doing whatever you were doing before you read this book.

“I wish I had published them. But we don’t actually publish quizzes here.”
– editor, The Worldview from My Chair

“A tour de force . . . is an accomplishment achieved with impressive skill.”
– The Dictionary

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Too Big To Fail by Alex Henderson

About Too Big To Fail by Alex Henderson:

From the author of Girth and Not Going Gently comes the hilarious tale of someone finding life a little tough at the top.

Gentle giant Jacob Waxman probably isn’t the right person to be overseeing the ethics of a voracious international bank.

It was never his dream job and he’s giving it his best shot, but when he gets trapped on the top floor of the building, Jacob’s going to find out that truth is the first casualty.

Because he certainly can’t tell his boss Brittany. She thinks she’s finally seen a spark of ethical passion in him and had only just asked him out on the date he now can’t attend.

Somehow though, he does feel he can tell his online delivery driver. Which leads to some very unorthodox outsourcing solutions.

Just so long as he can keep everything under control

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Brand-New Quotes, One-liners, and Short Jokes: A Collection of Humorous Materials You Won’t Find Anywhere By Dave J. Shelton

About Brand-New Quotes, One-liners, and Short Jokes: A Collection of Humorous Materials You Won’t Find Anywhere By Dave J. Shelton:

This is the second installment in the series, and everything in here is even fresher, funnier and, as usual, straight to the punchlines. As with the first installment, you won’t find those cliched materials—that’s what the internet’s for. After all, time is so precious it should only be wasted wisely.

In this installment, you get memorable quotes, witty one-liners, and humorous short jokes on knowledge, wisdom, science, technology, time, intelligence, money, politics, government, relationship, marriage, love, relationship, beauty, health, success, etc. There are also materials to motivate and inspire you, so you know that it’s well, even inside a well (although, outside is obviously better). Some humorous but somewhat true definitions have also been included.
Although this is not the go-to book for aspiring clowns, you can rest assured that the contents of this book will breathe new life into your talks, speeches, tweets, writings, etc.

This book is ideal for the young, the old, and the age-is-just-a-number crew.

Snippets from this book

******
Don’t show bias: treat fools, idiots, morons, and nincompoops equally. After all, they’re all equally useless.
******
Once, a computer beat me at chess. Next time, I came fully prepared—with the right screwdrivers.
******
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool only than to speak and reveal the mouth odor as well.
******
Don’t lie; you will never be able to do it better than the politicians.
******
Fools: morons with the least number of brain neurons.
******
Honesty pays, but crime pays faster.
******
My family was so poor…we rarely had enough to eat, never mind renting an apartment in the slums.
******
TOM’S FRIEND: There’s this designer shirt that costs 5,000 dollars; it requires no washing, pressing, doesn’t get wet, and has a lovely, permanent fragrance.
TOM WILLIS: And it has the money-back option in case of theft?
******
What a man can do, a woman can make him do it better.
******
If a jobless man sleeps around, he’s just homeless; If a jobless woman does same, she’s a sex worker.

******
Love all, but trust only dogs.

******
Everyone’s born with greatness; the problem is, it typically goes out with the umbilical cord.

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A Christmas Eve Service Spectacular

About A Christmas Eve Service Spectacular:

How hard can kindness be on Christmas Eve?

Last year Tess Endwell had an epic mom meltdown and ruined Christmas for the family. This year she’s vowed to do better. But a smoldering trivet, a hideous vest, and four squirrely kids threaten to unravel her Christmas Eve plans yet again.

All she wants is a happy Christmas for her family—until she realizes there may be something better.

Pick up a FREE copy during its promotional days Oct 16-20!

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The Brits Are Bonkers by Robert W. Locke

About The Brits Are Bonkers by Robert W. Locke:

Did you know that Boris Johnson, the British Prime Minister now lives in Buckingham Palace?
You might also like to know why the Queen wants you to call her Liz when you meet her.
Read these 20 British political humorous and satirical stories to help you understand a surreal nation.
There is truth in satire and these stories will help you laugh your way through a tiresome day.
You will also discover:-
• If you are a weirdo, you can get a job in Downing Street or in wacky Westminster.
• What are the sexy things you could have bought on Harry and Megan’s website if the Queen hadn’t put her foot down?
• What really happened in the EU Parliament the day the UK left the union?
• What does the Queen take to help her get off to sleep?
• Why are the UK police force now staying at home?
• What splendid gift did the Queen give Boris Johnson for his birthday?

“Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.”
― Lord Byron

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Girth by Alex Henderson

About Girth by Alex Henderson:

Size matters. Or at least it does to Ed, nit-picking quantity surveyor and captain of his local pub football team who has faked a business trip abroad to get some cheap plastic surgery.

Ed intends to be even more of a man upon his return. But has he managed to keep this as secret as he thinks? Will this really be such a wonderful surprise for Fiona on their wedding night? And just who is this operation for anyway?

Alex Henderson’s outrageous comedy debut shows what it means to be a man with a small problem that just got bigger.

Much bigger

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Hack

About Hack:

His job was to write the news.
Tricky, when you are the news
Meet Llew Sabler, a local newspaper reporter unlike any other.

First he almost kills the work experience girl when a spoof story goes awry.

Then when his editor tasks him with being a department store Santa, Llew’s grotto horror show sparks pubic outrage.

And his troubles have barely begun …

Llew is secretly besotted with close friend and fellow journalist, the bewitchingly violent Thirza Kirkby, but she spurns him for his oldest pal – boffin and hopeless virgin, Emdel Black.

Heartbroken, Llew does what anyone would: he defecates on an altar, and fabricates a red-hot exclusive that gets him noticed by the country’s top tabloid paper.

But when police charge him with the altar crime, Llew is vilified by the very paper he was set to join. He’s suspended from work, and is left facing an almost certain jail term.

Perpetually drunk, he falls in with charismatic wheelchair-using crook, Rollo Baer, and through him makes an awful and perilous discovery.

He knows it’s the story of a lifetime.
He knows it could save his career.
He also knows it might get him killed.
Set in 90s England, Hack is a fast paced first person black comedy, bristling with memorable male and female characters, and crackling with dark British wit.

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The Finger Trap

About The Finger Trap:

Tony Flaner is a malingering part-time comedian, full-time sarcastic, who’s never had it hard, and never finished a thing in his life. He’s had twelve years to prepare for his divorce and didn’t. He had his entire life to choose a career and hasn’t. Now time’s up, and he’s in a world of trouble. But it gets worse—a first date and a drunken party ends with Tony facing prison for the murder of a girl he hardly knew.

But other than that, it was a pretty great party.

To save himself, wise-cracking Tony must discover who the mysterious girl was, what she was involved in and what the hell she saw in him in the first place. Their lives are linked together at the ends of a Chinese finger trap, like life and death, friends and enemies, arugula quiche and pigs knuckles.

Winner of the League of Utah Writers Diamond Quill for Best Book of the Year.

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How To Be Happier This Holiday Season

About How To Be Happier This Holiday Season:

This holiday season give your loved ones and yourself the gift of joy! This book is sure to bring smile on the faces of the readers.Holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy. Yet, many of us feel miserable to just okay. This book guides you on how to make this holiday season the happiest holiday season yet. If you follow the instructions, the probability of you being happy increases immensely.Don’t be fooled by the title. This book is written with the holiday season in mind but the concept applies to any time of the year. So, grab a glass of wine, or milk – whatever you style is – and let this book take you to a journey to the happiness.

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Airplane Mode

About Airplane Mode:

A laugh-out-loud short story, especially if you enjoy comedies, sitcoms and sketches!

Trish is a talented and beautiful young actress. In order to prepare for a life-changing audition, she signs up for a new acting class. The teacher of that class is a little quirky to say the least. Has Trish finally found a good teacher? Will she get the part? Or is she going to regret taking the class?

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Letters to be Read in a Heavily British Accent

About Letters to be Read in a Heavily British Accent:

Letters to Be Read in a Heavily British Accent recounts the hilarious (and historically-set) misadventures of Sherwood, a new recruit in H. Majesty’s army; and Penelope, his bit-of-all-right back home. Through their letters the two share incidents and adventures, and discuss their relationship, which looks good on paper, but…

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Prostitute Mia’s Notes

About Prostitute Mia’s Notes:

Outwardly, they look completely normal. Ordinary typical men: middle managers, big bosses, salesmen, and doctors; with mustaches, glasses, and expensive shoes. But they all have one thing in common: COCKROACHES. And not at home, but in the head. And these cockroaches they present to her, paying for love for an hour and taking off their pants.
Some of them promise to harry to death, but do not even have time to undress, others — make raids on the refrigerator, complaining of their mothers, and others — tearfully convince that in 88 their boner is as hard as a rock! You just need to try.
Honest, caustic, sad, and funny stories from the life of a prostitute in the first person.

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