About A MARRIED MAN … PERCEPTIONS ABOUT … LOVE: philosophical essays
And what if one day … after stop loving someone that you liked so, so much … you decide to replace that big whole from your soul with loving all the people from the timeline of your life?!
Today i believe that to understand the life itself we need to experience … love … in whatever form it might appear to us.
It sounds weird, or even as a total nonsense … but in the end … following the paths of life …. I always realized that everything comes by itself.
Not so long time ago, before becoming 40 …. I heard lots of strange ideas about the change is happening in man’s perspective about life … the next second he comes to this age.
In fact … the truth is that only 2 versions worth to be mentioned … and i saw that at all my friends that had this age.
One theory was that we start to have all types of medical problems … and the other one was that the man starts to be obsessed by love … love stories …. and all the women from the timeline of his life.
I never had medical problems in my life … so i totally ignored the first theory ….and on another hand, working in sales for more than 20 years … i met thousands of ladies … but never had the intention to cheat my wife.
So … i totally ignored both theories, but just few days before becoming 40 … a very beautiful lady … appeared in my life.
She was the most unexpected person i could dream that i would start a love story with … but … it happened.
The theory was right … or at least one of it.
I fell in love … with that amazing soul … and i started to write all my feelings and everything related to us.
I wrote so much … that one day i realized that i published 10 books carrying the word … love … inside of the title.
But … same as any other story from the history of the human being … my love story had a beginning, the story itself …. and the end.
Today … looking back in time, i see just the 10 books i wrote … but i would not like to read them again.
Never …
In my last book about love stories … “Loving, but not understanding where the love goes” … the last 2 essays i wrote tell everything it was in my heart and soul … “I miss you a lot, but i don’t want you back in my life! Never again!”
… and “Awakening can be obtained at the end of the love story!”.
I left the love story dissatisfied of all happened … but still … i was chasing for love.
Getting back into her arms … was useless.
I knew it … and even if i lied myself for such a long time … she was the same as my wife … a shrew … or at least this is how i saw both of them.
I decided to let my life continue … near my family, totally forgetting the love story …. but still not ignoring my huge desire for … love.
The smaller kid ….told me one day while arguing with my wife … “ You are not allowed to leave us. You are our parents and you don’t have the right to do that.”
Ignoring those words … was equal with betrayal.
…. A huge one.
So i remained near my wife and kids … doing my duty, understanding the dharmic side of life … but still something was whispering me all the time …”love, love, love, love … love ….”
I thought i need to find another lady … but my wife was paying attention now to any small detail … so i could not repeat the love story i had with that crazy lady.
I was meditating a lot.
On the scene of my life, i met lots of other people in the same situation as myself … that ended the love story and …. somehow started to be in a relationship with themselves.
They discovered a new path …. the one of self love.
But i did not know anything about the subject … and not even wanted to bother becoming more profound and connected to myself.
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About myself …
I’ve started to write my first book at 16 … but then … realizing i could not publish it … i’ve abandoned the idea of being a … writer.
20 years later … i’ve started to write again … believing i will finally succeed … but i’ve failed one more time … not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later … i’ve started one more time to write … but this time … more as a therapy.
It’s what i’ve defined as … self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas … that were a lot related to me … and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts … in essays … becoming this way … maybe not a writer …. but what many define as … an essayist.
This is not a poet … and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry … but is still expressing his thoughts … into a similar way … as a poet.
And is not a writer … cause have not the ability to write for too long time … about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist… either.
I am just an ordinary person … that could be better defined … as a thinker.
Analyzing … and defining my life … practicing this process called … self therapy … i started to understand life … and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i’ve wrote … and wrote … and wrote … realizing one day that i’ve published tens of books …. not really understanding how the hell I’ve succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing … as a therapy.
I could even say … it’s a simple way of understanding who we are … but also a process that could help us … heal our souls.
I personally continue to … write.
It’s in fact … a non ending story that … at least for myself … will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all … i am glad … i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey … not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist… but …
Well …. most probably… i am on a good path.
And … i would dare to recommend to everyone … all what i am doing today.